Alan Coleman

Bullshitting is different from lying. Lying is a selfish act usually associated with petty criminals or constructs of institutionalised power – Governments, royalty, greedy businessmen and such like.

Bullshitting is different because the perpetrator is not trying to influence you or your actions for any other reason than personal amusement. Basically it’s funny getting people to believe bullshit, it’s funny trying to keep a straight face when you can physically see someone’s brain ticking over and you’re on the verge of pulling it off.

There’s no harm in bullshitting, it doesn’t undermine democracy (House of Windsor) or inflict misery (House of Thatcher), and most of all it’s fun because it’s what people do to you if they like you.

Not everyone makes a good bullshitter, you don’t have to be particularly intelligent in the academic manner but it does take a certain amount of people knowledge – The understanding of mannerisms, small facial moves and nods that have all been borrowed from those that speak the truth.

Over the next few weeks I will be serialising a selection of bullshits that have come from someone who in my opinion is the world master of bulljidd – My friend from The Ramsey Comprehensive School, Gary Dicker.

Sometimes things come along at just the right moment and this summer it’s Amir Khan, the 17 year old Olympic boxer from Bolton. At a time when negative tabloid
hysteria regarding Islam must have reached fever pitch, up pops a genuinely talented young man to front it all with dignity, style and attitude.

Amir’s conduct in and out of the ring, his maturity and pure basic entertainment factor has made him the personality of the Athens Olympics, for me anyway I think he’s performed years above his age to return the exiting performances he’s given so far. At times like this I often wonder, not without a smug inward smile, what the likes of the BNP and their Hate in Chief Nick Griffin thinks about all this – An Asian lad blazing a trail of respect on the world stage draped in the Union Jack (His dad has a superb Union Jack waist coat).

I’m glad that the world might look at Amir Khan and pass judgement on us all. Nick Griffin boxed whilst at Cambridge University before embarking on a grimy career in racial hated. Even at 17 Amir has guaranteed an Olympic silver medal and tomorrow morning, millions will be interested in what he’s got to say for himself.

I read in a health book the other day that Tea, Alcohol and Curry should be avoided because they cause unnecessary stress. So without them we’?d all become smug, stress free, friendly and relaxed? I couldn’t think of anything worse, what a nightmare!

For Paul and Rickie’s seventies wedding I managed to find a smart black suit in a second hand shop on Hammersmith High Street. I was quite pleased with my buy, which is why I was a bit pissed off when it caught fire after I staggered onto one of those garden candles. You’ll find that if you wear a Polyester suit.

From what I saw Denmark is a really enjoyable place to live, with cleanliness and efficiency adding to a generally comfortable feel. The only let down, as with most Scandinavian countries, is the price of Liquor, with a pint costing as much as a fiver. I mean if you lived there, you’d just end up swigging that plain label vodka from Tescos at home, not good.

Danish highlight? Trains, without a doubt. Clean, punctual, spacious and above all cheap. We travelled for nearly two hours and it cost £3 each, yet a return from Liverpool Street to Stanstead is £24, what’s that all about? And I know what you’re about to say, but it’s more than just the 50% income tax. They seem to have a bit of pride in their country which I think is missing here, things seems to be a bit more social and a little less individually orientated. Maybe society isn’t such a bad thing after all.

The same goes for Copenhagen airport, really well designed and superbly built with a real eye for detail and style. The spacious parquet floored interior is straight out of Wallpaper magazine, and if you know what that is you’re a complete tosser. It stands in complete contrast to Stansted, which is essentially an open plan supermarket with a load of cheap office cubicles in the middle. With it’s dreadful ‘Theme’ pub and building site style layout it is basically, a load of shit.

Fat Colin, or Fat C*** depending on whether or not his gut has just sent you crashing across the bar, is the other person that reads the Boomablog.

Think Greek island, Arsenal top, those mini cigars, Chas ‘n Dave and pints of vodka and orange. Whatever image you have in your head, times it by a million and that is Fat Colin. His incredibly irritating Chas ‘n Dave CDs can be found behind bars throughout the med, they’ve only ever been played once and along with the FC were responsible for emptying many a crowded venue within minutes. Happy days!