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Alan Coleman

Web development resource

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A central point for me to blog about web development and associated technologies. http://www.alancoleman.co.uk

Football’s coming home

Wednesday, 25 May 2005

What a night! At half time I was on the phone to Ben and Chris.

“They’re in a different league! They may as well just start smashing the stadium up! Outclassed!”.

What do I know, or any one else come to think of it. Who in their wildest dreams could have thought that a crushed English side could come back from three goals down against the mighty AC Mee-lan. So I was wrong, yet again.

Steven Gerrard’s performance was an inspiration, and what better a player to lift the European Cup to become the pride of Merseyside.

Good luck to all of them – Fans, players and Liverpool.

Football’s coming home, at last

Filed under: Europe, Football, Great Britain, Sport — admin @ 6:53 pm

Jemma, Natasha and Jade

Monday, 23 May 2005

I spotted The Sun this morning at the station and was curious to see what three nice looking young girls where doing on the front cover clutching their offspring. It didn’t take long to realise they where today’s scapegoat, the latest figures of hate for ‘The currant bun’ to point and sneer at on behalf of its readership.

Essentially the story is about three teenage sisters – Jemma, Natasha and Jade, who had children at the ages of 12, 16 and 14 respectively. Worse still, they’re living with their Mum who, shock and horror, has been divorced twice! NO!!! You can almost see the fabric of society disintegrating around us as we read.

Luckily there’s a racist daily paper on hand to keep things in check with a moral crusade against young women, immigrants, gays and anyone else who doesn’t fit the white clean living majority. Angry columnists like the balding and middle aged Richard Littlejohn queue up to cast judgement on those who don’t live their lives by a dreamlike vision of a white lower middle class society of footie loving graduates. In that sense his bigoted and Blairite right wing views have come to epitomise New Labour.

However, The Sun’s rant against teenage mums is of course flawed by its own hypocrisy. The Sun has a history of sexualising young women, whether it be on page 3 or in sensationalised stories of brutal rape, which in turn backs up the idea that sex sells in any form. For The Sun then to get on its high horse and sneer at young women for sexualising themselves is almost laughable.

This country is run by angry white men with unfulfilled sex lives, who hate the idea that young women are having sex and probably enjoying it. These are the same men who comment on groups of girls who drink and shag their way round Mediterranean resorts every summer.

Simply, it boils down to jealousy. They didn’t get any of that when they were that age and it’s definitely not going to happen now that they’re boring lumpen 40 year olds with bad breath.

Filed under: Great Britain, Newspapers, Politics, Ranting, Society — admin @ 6:54 pm

Fear and Loathing: on the Campaign Trail ‘72, Hunter S. Thompson

Saturday, 21 May 2005

I never got round to reading ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas’ because for some reason it never really appealed to me, although like most things in my life if I were slightly less judgemental I’d probably enjoy it.

The first thing I noticed was how genuinely interested the author is on the subject matter, and it’s clear that he was well informed on all aspects of modern American politics. His passion for his chosen subject of the moment seemed to run as deep as that for American football, or taking every conceivable drug known to man.

‘Fear and Loathing: on the Campaign Trail ’72’ is about the ups and downs of following a political campaign culminating in the 1972 U.S. Presidential election. Most of the book concerns the state hopping trail and political manoeuvring of the Democratic nominations that are finalised before challenging the presidency. Once George McGovern is chosen as the Democratic candidate it’s all over pretty quickly, then comes the fascinating dissection of how it all went badly wrong.

The politics is as intriguing as it can be complicated, and at times the wrangling, strategy and plain back stabbing is simply baffling. However, the window this book provides into the sinister world of big business, greed and politics is as shocking as anything by Micheal Moore. You get the feeling that you’ve been there many times, and like before its ordinary people like us who are left absolutely powerless at the hands of madness. It’s strange that the farcical nature of American politics that Thompson described so well 33 years ago has only in recent years become so well accepted. His cutting descriptions of political figures carry with them an entirely believable weight, it’s not simply about him being nasty, just an honest portrayal of how he saw those people.

I liked the way he was genuinely angered at the government and the general direction of a country that he obviously had a deep attachment to. This anger manifests itself throughout in different ways. For example, “It is Nixon himself who represents that dark, venal and incurably violent side of the American character that almost every other country in the world has learnt to despise”. The book is littered with other such quotes that reassure readers that they are not alone in their resentment and bitterness at what was, and still is, a hideously corrupt process.

This is an eye opener for me, I’d always thought that laying anger bare in such a manner was what writers did when they couldn’t articulate themselves, or inject humour. Now I realise that anger and articulation can coexist and also have the potential to be unstoppably funny. I find this approach far more readable, and funny, than the recent trend of apathy and wit that seems to blight broadsheet newspapers in this country. In that respect his writing has many of Orwell’s simple idealistic qualities that do away with reasoning and annoying economic considerations.

He also uses the book to put forward his own anti war ideals, this at a time when the war in Vietnam had reached the point where death and destruction on such a huge scale was spiralling out of control. You can almost taste his contempt for the Nixon administration, unsurprisingly it resonates deeply with the current tide of feeling towards those other two nasty little spivs, Bush and Blair. Interestingly a character called Ron Kovic appears at a veterans anti war demo outside the Republican conference in Miami. It is his treatment, after returning home paralysed from Vietnam, that is the story in Oliver Stones best film to date, ‘Born on the Fourth of July’ (1989).

The political process is underpinned by a captivating narrative about the everyday proceedings of life on the campaign trail. From German run hotel chains in Milwaukee to nearly drowning on a Californian beach, it’s all explained with a gritty and often compelling intensity. I especially liked his descriptions of the unrelenting air travel and sleep deprivation that slowly turned the press community mad. You get the feeling that although Thompson hated it, he somehow thrived in press suites and aboard the press planes where gambling, drugs and an accepted disillusionment where the way of life.

So, Hunter S. Thompson. He’s dead now, but after reading this book I get the feeling that I would have quite liked the bloke. There are qualities that go beyond the obvious NME style hype about Gonzo journalism, drug taking and mad behaviour. Here was a person who had a genuine interest in the world around him, an innate understanding of the human character and a razor sharp sense of humour.

Filed under: Politics, Reading, USA — admin @ 8:58 pm

Kylie, Showgirl, The greatest hits tour, Earls court

Thursday, 19 May 2005

Kylie is the closest thing we have to a Royal family that represents us as a body people in any way, and if we could ever choose our head of state surely the princess of pop would be at the top of the list. She is how I’d like the rest of the world to see us – Intelligent, funny, generous and sexy, instead of what we have at the moment which is none of those things. The way that she conducts herself both professionally, and in public has endeared her to the Great British people in a manner that the likes of Posh Spice, Prince Charles or Madonna can only dream. In fact, if we ever make contact with extra terrestrial beings in outer space it should be the pint sized package of greatness who, along with Liam Gallagher, is sent to greet them.

Her innate sense of judgment has managed to spare her the grotesque ravages that fame and money brings to people in her position. It’s allowed her to convincingly adorn the cover of Cosmopolitan, Business Life and the NME in the same year. Combine that with the way that she smiles and pouts to the camera, we have a general idea of how her own personal brand of charm has helped shape our lives. For life without Kylie Minouge would be like living without denim, orange squash or Bungle and Zippy. She’s always been there, like a reliable member of the family you grow up with – Mild tempered, funny, consistent.

Arriving on stage to ‘Better the devil you know’, the performance is breathtakingly flawless. Her miniature dance moves are as effortlessly cool and perfect as the Moulin Rouge feathers that adorn her costume. At some points she almost abandons the dance routine and breaks into her own front room dancing, the sort when happiness takes over and simply swaying from side to side seems enough. Her head moves in the same manner with genuine enjoyment, smiling at the simple contented beauty of the occasion – the ultimate saccharine pop experience.

It occurs to me that I’ve never seen anything like this before, anything this slick, shiny and fun. Although you get the feeling that she genuinely believes that all this is far more than a bit of fun or just some nice songs, and quite rightly so. Because what we’re experiencing is a pivotal moment where the thinly spread layer of Kylie is gathered up and presented as a defined moment. A point that somehow seems to make sense, where the history fits together with the present to form a perfectly balanced story.

She sits high above the audience on a sequined moon like the fairy godmother that you always dreamed of, singing ‘Over the rainbow’ with remarkable clarity and a consummate ease. She cleverly slips eight bars of ‘Where the Wild Roses Grow’ expertly into Hot red blooded women, and manages to look cool by doing a slowed down swing version of the ‘Locomotion’. Camp and unashamedly glamorous, a welcome break from the dreary tedium of XFM, the election and filthy London pubs.

It’s all over with ‘Especially for you’ whilst collecting flowers from an adoring audience, a solitary figure bathing in an atmosphere of warmth and affection, unable to hide her own overwhelming happiness. When we’re older we’ll show this to younger generations with the pride it deserves, hopefully they’ll see some Kylie in us and realise how much happiness she brought to our lives.

Kylie 4 Everyone. I.D.S.T.

Filed under: Music, Romace — admin @ 12:09 pm

Election night

Thursday, 5 May 2005

Election night, anything in (brackets) describes what’s happening on the shit pump.

FC was on the phone first thing this morning (“It’s true Jeremy!..I’ve got the bloody thing in my handbag!” – Shirley Williams) complaining that there was no UKIP candidate to vote for, so he had to vote for the fascist Tories instead. (“Two candidates in Romford have had a fight and one of them has been hospitalised” – That’s bloody great!!).

Saffron Walden has always been a safe Tory seat, when I was little Mum used to canvas for the Labour party and I recall (Houghton and Washington – Labour) Dad spending all afternoon one Sunday driving us around the countryside so she could leaflet the more remote areas. As I looked out into the pouring rain watching her hurry down a path towards a farm dad looked out and said to himself, “She’s wasting her time here, these sort of people will always vote Tory”.

Maybe it’s because I was younger but party politics seemed much more honourable back then, none of this partisan de-alignment and switching parties because there’s an extra 0.25p off NI on offer. If you cared about our society and a future for your kids without nuclear weapons then you voted Labour, if you wore corduroys and never went down the pub then you voted SDP, otherwise it was Maggie all the way.

Now that all of the parties have morphed into some sort of conservative hybrid there seems little point in me voting. When I look at those people asking me to support them I don’t see decency, social justice or any form of wealth distribution (Barnsley central – Labour) on offer, just bickering and self centred one-upmanship.
It’s the grass roots Labour supporters I feel sorry for, those that stood behind the party during the Thatcher years only to watch it transform into their worst nightmare before their very eyes. I look at them in 2005 as I did in 2001 and feel genuinely upset about their predicament.

Stuff all those going back to the Tories via the holy Lib Dems, voters that were wooed by (Hull West & Hessle – Labour) Piety’s smug brand of conservatism (Vauxhall – Labour) and don’t even have the decency to admit that their eyes are bigger than their stomachs.

I know apathy is negative and unhelpful, but the whole thing is just a fucking bollock circus.

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 6:59 pm