Why I hate Movember

This is the time of year that we are supposed to be reflecting what the generations that went before us gave in our time of need. Maybe thinking about the ramifications and horrors of war, conflict and strife. Not necessarily strutting the poppy whilst looking miserable or giving it the big one at the local war memorial. It could just be the simple act of personal remembrance, even if it lasts no more than a few seconds.

Quiet reflection isn’t what charity is about anymore, it’s about being ‘seen to do’ rather than actually ‘doing’ and getting on with your life. What is it Jesus said about praying in private?

Nowhere is this more true than Movember.

Movember. Not so much a charity rather more a fashionable movement for attracting attention to oneself. Blokes walking around with idiot grins on their faces, the stupid bum fluff on the top lip, the over designed website from Hoxton featuring the smug white executives. The stuff of CVs and Corporate Social Responsibility. I’m doing this, and I’m actually sooo doing Movember. It’s even got a mobile app, perfect for keeping track of how much of a soho bell end you’ve become.

A Complete tool. Could this bloke be any more smug or superior?

The Movember website indicates Employee benefits: Pride in their involvement, sense of achievement, feeling part of the team. I find this patronising to the point of insult, this is work, not fucking rehab for 12 year old hood rats from Rotherham. It gets worse! Fun and engaging workplace, corporate values in action. That’s actually what it says, that last one is priceless, Corporate values? Fuck off. I’ll save the best for last, Attraction and retention of staff. Genius. Does it really make staff more attractive? Are they really likely to put off that career move so they can stand out from competitors.

Please, are we really that fucking dumb? It’s facial hair, not money.

Which raises the question, why? If anyone is worried about Testicular or Prostate cancer they can go to their doctor and get themselves checked out. It takes about 20 minutes and is completely free of charge, courtesy of our fantastic National Health Service (or BUPA if you’re not poor). There’s no need to donate other peoples hard earned cash and you won’t have to make your colleagues feign interest in your utter stupidity.

If you want to be noticed go and harass one of the girls in customer services. If you want to be part of something go and buy a fixie or join the St Johns Ambulance, you’ll be able to mouth off about it down the pub and your friends might actually listen.