I was watching the news last night and was particularly interested in the story about the flooding in Cumbria. Within seconds of the footage starting I’m in a seething rage as I spot some smartarse in a canoe.
There’s always one isn’t there?
He’s probably not even local to the flooding, just saw it on the news and thought, “I know, I’ll strap the canoe to the functional roof rack on my Volvo, drive down there and paddle around in front of the TV cameras like the grinning twat that I am”.
If ever there was any flooding in Peckham or Nunhead I would patrol the streets like a vigilante. Knee high in water, meter long lump of 4 x 2 in hand, simply waiting for some smug Rupert to come paddling down from somewhere like East Dulwich. That would be it, like a man possessed – BOFF!! BOFF!! Whilst screaming, “YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS!! WHERE’S THE YUCKING CANOE NOW GILES?! EH!!”