Celebrity Big Brother

I try to trade Celebrity Big Brother for Match of the Day at home, Mandy of course is having absolutely none of it, and quite rightly so. For she knows full well that despite my protestations I’m as interested in the banal daily happenings of the freak show as everyone else. Not that I’d know because I don’t watch that kind of thing, but this is quite probably the best BB yet. When I say best, I mean the most entertaining in terms of the boundaries between goodies and baddies being clearly defined.

I reckon C4 couldn’t believe their luck as the show polarised into two sides in the style of a south coast pantomime. Let’s look at the baddies first. A smug politician with links to Saddam Hussein, an aggressive American basketball player with studs in his face and a manipulative cross dressing bitch. Could it really get any worse? The tabloids must be falling over themselves. Compare them to the white side. A harmless Welshman from a novelty rap band, a good looking young singer and a sweet fun loving girl from Essex.

Everyone loves a story of good and bad and that’s exactly what we have here, a modern fairytale of the young, pretty and innocent battling against the old, ugly and bitter. A simple combination that roots reality television safely into the 21st century.

The dark side is led by the impossibly bad George Galloway, whose insanely arrogant nature fails to cover his acute jealousy towards young people. This is a man who has been arrested while campaigning against nuclear weapons, who stood up to Tony Blair and who single headedly humiliated the American political elite. All of that is now wasted as he morphs into one of those balding blokes down the pub who people no longer want have sex with. A tedious and egotistical bore that uses his socialist activities of yesteryear to claim the superior high ground.

And what of Pete Burns, whose self centred nature does little to appease his grotesque physical appearance. The only reason the white side don’t stand up to him is because he hides behind a mask, a face that scarily refuses to show any emotion amongst the hatred. How he must feel looking at Preston, Chantelle and Maggot, all likeable young people with their lives ahead of them. And Dennis Rodman? He easily falls into place as the aggressive sidekick who is led by the others. Galloway and Burns suffer from intellectual snobbery, the worst kind. But worst of all, the three of them are bullies.

Great television that can only help quicken the pace towards the inevitable Armageddon that awaits us.

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